April Fools Day

Well today is the first day of April, 28 days until my first born daughter is 18! It hardly feels like it has been 18 years, I still see her as the little brown eyed girl toddling around the house falling down and asking me to kiss her knees. Kids grow way too fast, its so sad to think that you can never get the time back, you can never change words that were said, actions that were done. You only get one chance. Love them when they are little and they will love you when your old!

Another Season...

Spring is finally here! It is so gorgeous outside. The snow is melting, the deer are coming down, the birds are singing, this is a really amazing time of year!
The hotel and B&B will be opening in 17 days. Seems like my time off just flew by! Another season in the hotel industry...Possibly my last. Who knows where exactly life will take me in the next year or so. I will enjoy the time I have left up here in the Eastern Sierras.
I am truly enjoying my life. My children. My friends. My family. My job. I am blessed to truly have such a wonderful existence!

Came & Went

WoW! One year came and went! It was here and then it was gone as quickly as it came! I have hit my goal weight. I weigh 125lbs and wear a size 4. I am healthy and happy and active and enjoying every aspect of my life! My life has finally begun! I have recently gone through some very personal struggles that I'm not sure how I would have handled them without the strength I have gained over the past year.

I am truly enjoying all that life has to offer me at this point in my life. I have made some awsome new friends. I have lost some old friends, who looking back were never really friends at all, but mere people passing through my life. People who made me stronger and more self reliant than I have ever been before.

Over the past couple months I have really struggled with being very discontent with where I am in my life. I moved to a city, where a person whom I thought was my best friend lived. But it turns out she too was one of those people who spent the last 8 years "just passing through" my life. I dislike where I live so much that coming back here seems to make me physically feel ill. I know its all in my head, but i seriously can not wait to move out of this place.

Here is something that this disasterous move has taught me...How to be self reliant! I found Lisa. I realised that I can survive on my own without a man to care for me and my children! I have self confidence, self esteem & I know that regardless of if I have a man in my life or not I will survive! I dont think I would have learned all this about myself had I not made this move. For the very first time in my entire life I am Happy!

I thik I will always struggle with self image issues. I believe every woman has things about herself that she dislikes, of course some more then others. I can relate to a woman who has been heavy and to a woman who has been thin. I can relate to women who are heavy now after years of being thin and vice versa. I see woman who are heavy and grossly obese and I feel sorry for them. I have this place in my heart that aches for them because I know the misery and the peronal hell they are living with. I wish every woman had the same opportunity that I had. I know they dont but I do believe everyone deserves this chance in life!

Almost ONE Year!!!

So I'm sitting here thinking back on all the changes in this past year. Amazing that a person, a grown adult, can change so much in a matter of just one full year!

February 11, 2008:
Woke up around 6am. Took my daily pills (a ton let me remind you) and got dressed. Headed out the door for my last pre-op appointment at UC Davis in Sacramento.
Arrived at UC Davis around 8:45am and Brie and I ran to the office since my appointment was at 9am.
Sat around the waiting room for what seemed like forever. Then we headed back...
Final Weight: 226lbs
BP: 156/90
Took my final before picture.
Had a TON of blood work taken.
Registered in the hospital.
Enjoyed the last Regular Mountain Dew I would ever have (in this lifetime)
Headed home to start my bowel cleanse...
Arrived home around 2pm.
Took one bottle of the sodium nitrate mixed with above mentioned Mt Dew
Choked it down.
Not bad I can handle this...
3pm realised Hailey drank my Mt Dew and I had to mix the SN with Gatorade
Choked it down.
God why do they say this is so bad???
4pm...nothing
5pm...nothing
6pm...Hmm yeah still nothing
7pm...Wow I dont feel too hot
8pm...OH GOD MOVE OUTTA MY WAY
9pm...I just wanna lay here
10pm...I think Im dying...No seriously dying
10:15pm...BRIEANNA...
10:30pm...Oh God call Erin something is wrong
10:45pm...Call 911 Brie I am dying, Im dying, Im dying....
11pm...God how can there still be so much in there I havent eaten in 2 days...
11:15om...Bobby arrives home from God knows where...WTH is wrong with your Mom...
11:30pm...having some serious second thoughts...
12am...finally doze off
3:30am...Bobby wakes up and says guess your chickening out?
3:31am I get up and say SCREW YOU BOBBY!!
3:35am...back on the toilet
4am... on the way to the hospital
5am... scared shitless, in the hospital room all alone
5:30am...Lab work
6am...Laying there waiting
6:15am...My dear friend Jill calls to comfort me... Thank you Jill!
6:30am...Taken upstairs to prep for surgery
7am...I see my surgeon who tells me it will all be done in just a little while
3pm...Vaguely remember Bobby and the kids coming to see me
2am...transferred from recovery to my room

The real fun began now...

You've Come A Long Way Baby!!

I can hardly believe its almost February! Seems like this year is just totally flying by. Next thing ya know it will be June, then October and before ya know it New Years again! Life has a way of doing this to us and if were not careful it will pass us by! I know this all too well. I sat on my ass for 10 years, allowed myself to become depressed, withdrawn, unhappy and I blamed everyone around me for the misery I was in, when in reality the only person I had to blame was myself. I think this last year, 2008, was the most eye opening year of my entire life. I think I went from up to down to back up and back down and finally up again. I was on a roller coaster of emotions for most of the year.
New Years 2008 started off good. Grandma was healing, in the hospital but she was getting better. We celebrated her 70th birthday with a surprise party. Then she suddenly took a turn for the worse and ended up back in the hospital. But we all thought she was still ok. On February 12 I had weightloss surgery. A decision I will never regret. But 4 days later, on February 16, my grandma passed away. We were all stunned and heart broken. Then on March 18 my other grandma passed away. Her illness was very sudden and she was only sick for about 2 months before she passed away. Two days later I made the life altering move that changed my life forever. I packed up my children and my few belongings and left the man who I had become so miserable with over the past ten years.
It took time but I think my heart is finally starting to heal from the loss and heatbreak I suffered in 2008. I met a wonderful man who has helped. I am going to school, something that I never thought I would ever be able to do. I am happy with my life and my children. For the first time ever I can say without a doubt my life is good, I am happy and I wouldnt change a thing.
I have good days and bad. I think it will be a way of life for me possibly forever. On the bad days I think of how blessed, truly blessed I am to have had the opportunity to change my life. I remember back to my life before the surgery and I was miserable and unhappy every single day. Those days are so few and far between now that I honestly can probably count them on one hand!
Exercise and healthy eating should be part of everyones everyday life. Not only is it great for our body, but it is also great for our mind and emotional health as well. Nothing can quite clear your head as good as a nice long walk in the cool night air.
No matter what happens in life I know that I am prepared mentally, emotionally and physically to take on just about any challenge life will throw me!!

Some More Pics

This is me in February of 2008, right before my surgery, 245lbs

Ok and this is me in November,130lbs. The middle one is my size 5 butt, LOL. Yes Brie thought it would be funny to take a picture of my no-butt, lol

Some Pics

Tom & I

Just Me

Brieanna & I