You've Come A Long Way Baby!!

I can hardly believe its almost February! Seems like this year is just totally flying by. Next thing ya know it will be June, then October and before ya know it New Years again! Life has a way of doing this to us and if were not careful it will pass us by! I know this all too well. I sat on my ass for 10 years, allowed myself to become depressed, withdrawn, unhappy and I blamed everyone around me for the misery I was in, when in reality the only person I had to blame was myself. I think this last year, 2008, was the most eye opening year of my entire life. I think I went from up to down to back up and back down and finally up again. I was on a roller coaster of emotions for most of the year.
New Years 2008 started off good. Grandma was healing, in the hospital but she was getting better. We celebrated her 70th birthday with a surprise party. Then she suddenly took a turn for the worse and ended up back in the hospital. But we all thought she was still ok. On February 12 I had weightloss surgery. A decision I will never regret. But 4 days later, on February 16, my grandma passed away. We were all stunned and heart broken. Then on March 18 my other grandma passed away. Her illness was very sudden and she was only sick for about 2 months before she passed away. Two days later I made the life altering move that changed my life forever. I packed up my children and my few belongings and left the man who I had become so miserable with over the past ten years.
It took time but I think my heart is finally starting to heal from the loss and heatbreak I suffered in 2008. I met a wonderful man who has helped. I am going to school, something that I never thought I would ever be able to do. I am happy with my life and my children. For the first time ever I can say without a doubt my life is good, I am happy and I wouldnt change a thing.
I have good days and bad. I think it will be a way of life for me possibly forever. On the bad days I think of how blessed, truly blessed I am to have had the opportunity to change my life. I remember back to my life before the surgery and I was miserable and unhappy every single day. Those days are so few and far between now that I honestly can probably count them on one hand!
Exercise and healthy eating should be part of everyones everyday life. Not only is it great for our body, but it is also great for our mind and emotional health as well. Nothing can quite clear your head as good as a nice long walk in the cool night air.
No matter what happens in life I know that I am prepared mentally, emotionally and physically to take on just about any challenge life will throw me!!

Some More Pics

This is me in February of 2008, right before my surgery, 245lbs

Ok and this is me in November,130lbs. The middle one is my size 5 butt, LOL. Yes Brie thought it would be funny to take a picture of my no-butt, lol

Some Pics

Tom & I

Just Me

Brieanna & I

11 months today!

Well its been 11 months since the day that forever changed my life! I am so grateful to have been able to have had this opportunity. Everything about my life has changed. My outlook, the way I live, the way I look at food, the way I handle my issues, when I say everything I truly mean everything about my life is completely different.

When I started this journey I did not realise that not only would my body be transformed but also everything about me as well. I have become a completely different woman in the past 11 months. I think there have been both good changes along with bad changes, but for the most part I am happy with the woman that I have become.

I have lost 118lbs from my highest weight. That means I am almost half the size that I was this time last year. I still have trouble eating bread, pasta and rice, although I truly think this is mental. I allow myself tiny portions every now and then and when I do it does not bother me too badly. I still watch my sugar intake, only allowing myself the recomended amount of sugar. Although I am quickly approaching the one year mark and should be able to tolerate the sugar more and more, I just have not added it back into my diet.

So many changes in my life. So many things that have happened in the last few months. I dont even really know where to begin. A few things I will share with you, some good some bad.

We'll start with the not bad, but kinda OCD thing I deal with on a daily basis. So I now weigh 127lbs. I fluctuate from 127-130 on a daily basis. I know this because I weigh myself twice a day. Once when I wake up, it the first thing I do every morning. I strip down to nithing and step on the scale. Before bed I strip down to nothing and step on the scale. My scale tracks my weights and so I keep a very close track of what I weigh, every day. I know this sound compulsive, kinda strange, but I am scared to death of gaining weight back. Now I know in my head I am not fat, but I have a hard time convincing myself of it. I have this super cute pair of size 5 jeans. I look at them every time I put them on and say to myself "God those are small, no way your going to fit your fat ass into them" when I get them on I am truly amazed, every time. My daughter gave me this pair of size 2 jeans, jeans that are too big for her, I can get them up, not buttoned (yet), but I can get them up. I have not even been able to look at a size two since jr high school.

Next is my self confidence level has risen to new heights. I dont even think in high school I had the self confidence that I have now. I meet new people and I enjoy it. I dont feel like I have to sell myself so much anymore. I am who I am, I am Lisa Johnson (soon to be Richardson again), like me for me and if you dont well Im sorry there is nothing that I am going to try to do about that. I met someone a few months ago who is incredible. I am truly amazed that there really are men out there who treat women the way this man treats me. He is kind, gentle, caring, sweet, loving and I guess the only downfall is that he doesnt ride a white horse and his name is not prince charming, lol. He truly is a wonderful man whom I have fallen head over heels in love with over the past almost 5 months. My kids love him and also love the way he treats me. I couldnt ask for more, honestly.

Along with this new self confidence I have found the confidence to go back to school. Something in which Tom has encouraged in me. In August I will be applying to the nursing program at our local college. I have 4 classes to finish up this semester and hopefully will be accepted into the program to begin Jan 2010. Yes I am super excited, this has been a dream of mine for a long time.

I am still working at the hotel. I love my job and the people I work for are amazing. I dont think I could have asked for a better family to work for. They have become like my family.

Moving to Bridgeport, Ca has been the most exciting adventure of my life. It has definately had its ups and downs but for the most part I love it here and do not regret my decision to move here. I do know that I will not spend the rest of my life in this small town. This city girl misses things like Macy's, Vistoria's Secret, Target and Raley's!! I miss people and the anonymity of living in the big city. I no longer wish to be where everybody knows my name...

some pictures...

Our first snow storm after the summer. The top one is our courthouse, the second one is my front yard. Boy was it cold. We woke up and it was 9* at 8am when I opened the office. It was gorgeous. The kids enjoyed the snow.

Our new puppy Cabella loves the snow. She is a 4 1/2 month old Shepherd Border Collie mix. We love her to pieces!!

Just a random happy picture of me!!

Its been awhile!

It sure has been awhile since I updated my blog here! The girls and I are doing great. The hotel is about to close for the season. I cant believe how fast the time flew by. We moved here 7 months ago. it was cold and rainy, Winter was just leaving and Spring was arriving. The girls have all gotten so big and are doing so well in school. I truly have been blessed with amazing children. They each have their own special qualities and can bring a smile to my face in the worst of situations.
I am doing really well with my weightloss. I have lost 105lbs and seem to be plateaued here. I am down to a loose fitting size 8! That is amazing to me. I sit in my room in the mornings and hold up these size 8 jeans and can not believe that I can fit into them! I went from a 22 to a 8 in 8 months! I am so happy!
I told my girlfriend this morning that I know I'm not fat because I wear an 8! But I still see myself as fat. i think tht will always be an issue with me. The way we percieve ourselves is always completely different then how others see us.
The leaves are changing colors and falling from the tree's. It is an absolutely beautiful sight. Our streets were lined with leaves for about a week, it was amazing. I have never ever seen such a thing, of course in movies ,but to actually live somewhere and expirience the four season is another thing completely!
I started dating this summer. Met some real losers, met some nice guys and found an amazing guy who I have been dating for almost 2 months now.
If anyone had told me a year ago that my life would be this awsome today I woulda called em a liar! I was miserable, fat and unhealthy! Today I am happy, healthy and thin!

Wow It Sure Has Been Awhile!!!!

I cant believe the last time i updated my blod was on July 6th! Man that seems like ages ago, so much has happend since then! Im just going to start flowing and ya'll can read or just skim through!
So the weekend after the 4th of July I went to Fairfield to meet up with some friends for lunch. I missed them all so much that I had to go back and see them, even though I was piss ass tired the following day, lol! Most of yoou know I had agreed to give it one more go with Bobby and I. Which only proved me to be the fool once again.
He had stayed the weekend of 4th of July with me and things seemed great until he got this phone call from, well I am going to call her "B" since I cnt call her anything else nice. Well he had been seeing her back when I moved, which is ok. But when we decided to try to work things out I figured he would break it off with her. Well I was wrong. She called and he got all giddy like a HS teenager talking to their new love. Ok I dismissed it as I was being weird.
Then I came down and we had agreed to have dinner as a family together that Monday. Well he was texting her through our entire meal. I was pissed and hurt all at the same time. I really dont know what he was expecting from me but I think he got alot more then he was wanting. I decided at that point I am not going to be anyones second choice. I deserve to be someones everything and obviously he isnt going to make me that, so its over. The divorce is still going forward and I will never turn down that road again. That chapter in my book of life is over. We will be friends, but never anything more then that. I have hired someone to finish everything for me so I dont have to deal with the bs of it all anymore.
I have been having a few issues with my stomach lately. It seems upset alot of the time. I have been really watching wht I am eating, but it seems like anything and everything I am eating right now is making me sick.
I have been eating a ton (well not a ton because I cant eat that much, lol) of salads, chicken, cheese and beef jerky. Drinking lots of water and Ice tea. Still not drinking any soda or juices. Have not added any kind of sugar back into my diet either. Dont eat the bread or rice and really limit my pasta to about once or twice a month, if that.
I am down to 143lbs! I wear a size 10. I feel amazing, I have so much energy and can do things I never ever thought I would do again. I have a major self confidence/esteem issue. Although in my clothes I know I have lost all this weight, When I look in the mirror I still see the 242lb girl in front of me! I am hoping this is just a phase I am going through because man I dont want to go through the rest of my life with these issues. I tell my girls they are gorgeous exactly how they are, not to worry about what others think of them and their bodies, but here I am stressing about how I look and how fat I look and how much and what I eat. My little ones are still very impressionable and I dont want to pass this off on to them. I want my kids to be comfortable in their bodies, as long as they are healthy and not over weight they are perfect!
Anyway, thats my life and weight update for now. I promise to try and notg o a month without updating again!
XoXoXo to all who read this!!!!!